Currently being a man of leisure in old London town, yesterday I
answered an internet call to appear as an extra. No exact details were given, except to turn up in office clothes as we'd be pretending to work as a
member of office staff while other people went about their
business...and seeing as the guy asking for extras was a comedy writer, one would assume there was some kind of comedy skit being filmed.
At this exact moment I'm sitting at an empty desk, in amongst people who are actually doing their jobs. There's about twenty of us in the same boat, hiding amongst the genuine office staff like cuckoos eggs in a nest. No-one's properly told us why we're here although there was some mention of a client visit. So my assumption is that we're "meat in the room".... used to fill up the empty desks so this firm looks like a bustling centre of capitalism and commerce rather than a half empty office housing the corporate wing of a shopfitters.
What dark Machiavellian arts have I become a pawn in? Or is this a surreal scam that I'm the victim of? Some psychological experiment to see if we'll play along with whatever bullshit we're told to do...a bizarre twist on the Stanford Prison experiment where instead of becoming prisoners and guards we become wood panel salesmen and talk about ergonomics.... All whilst listening to the actual workers fulfil there legal requirements by telling customers to wipe down surfaces with a damp cloth and fairy liquid.
Is this the way that business operates now? A world of subterfuge where an empty desk is a sign of weakness and impending administration. A vulnerability that can't be shown to the predatory vultures of industry.
Apparently the mysterious visitors are coming soon and my intrigue into who they are is building. Who could be so important to warrant filling an office with an army of charlatans...bit part actors, students, the unemployed and the unemployable...are they some demigods of the interior design world...or possibly an investor looking to make big bucks on this positively bustling company.
Some ingots of knowledge are falling now. The girl sitting nearest to me has mentioned, to her actual bona-fide colleagues, that it's a client coming and they're trying to get some work from them. So that's the pathetic ruse I'm hawking myself for a shilling over. "Company in half empty office needs bodies to fill space so they can appear more professional to clients"...if that had been the advert on twitter then it's safe to say I would've thought twice before getting involved.... but I'm fairly sure I'd still have come. This rubberneck at the befuddled interior of mid-level capitalism, where, like a mobile phone you can pay to top-up your employee levels for a couple of hours, where appearance is infinitely more important than actuality.
Maybe this is what the whole world runs like and my view is the one that's askew. Having spent the best part of a decade working in the world of finance I think of myself as having the insiders eye, and that high finance is probably the most ridiculous, counter-intuitive and nonsensical part of this whole game. I know how bond markets work and the meaning of phrases like "gross total notional of the CDS market"...obviously that whole world is completely abstract but just maybe.... contrary to everything I thought I knew, that's not the really insane part of the system. The completely fucking kerazy stick-pencils-up-your-nose-and howl-at-cars-like-a-wolf world exists in the mundane humdrum of your common or garden business...The places where some not too bright but well meaning "ideas guy" throws some shit down that would be laughed out of town by the big boys, but finds that he's indulged here in this middle space where everything is needed to bag that new contract.
At this exact moment I'm sitting at an empty desk, in amongst people who are actually doing their jobs. There's about twenty of us in the same boat, hiding amongst the genuine office staff like cuckoos eggs in a nest. No-one's properly told us why we're here although there was some mention of a client visit. So my assumption is that we're "meat in the room".... used to fill up the empty desks so this firm looks like a bustling centre of capitalism and commerce rather than a half empty office housing the corporate wing of a shopfitters.
What dark Machiavellian arts have I become a pawn in? Or is this a surreal scam that I'm the victim of? Some psychological experiment to see if we'll play along with whatever bullshit we're told to do...a bizarre twist on the Stanford Prison experiment where instead of becoming prisoners and guards we become wood panel salesmen and talk about ergonomics.... All whilst listening to the actual workers fulfil there legal requirements by telling customers to wipe down surfaces with a damp cloth and fairy liquid.
Is this the way that business operates now? A world of subterfuge where an empty desk is a sign of weakness and impending administration. A vulnerability that can't be shown to the predatory vultures of industry.
Apparently the mysterious visitors are coming soon and my intrigue into who they are is building. Who could be so important to warrant filling an office with an army of charlatans...bit part actors, students, the unemployed and the unemployable...are they some demigods of the interior design world...or possibly an investor looking to make big bucks on this positively bustling company.
Some ingots of knowledge are falling now. The girl sitting nearest to me has mentioned, to her actual bona-fide colleagues, that it's a client coming and they're trying to get some work from them. So that's the pathetic ruse I'm hawking myself for a shilling over. "Company in half empty office needs bodies to fill space so they can appear more professional to clients"...if that had been the advert on twitter then it's safe to say I would've thought twice before getting involved.... but I'm fairly sure I'd still have come. This rubberneck at the befuddled interior of mid-level capitalism, where, like a mobile phone you can pay to top-up your employee levels for a couple of hours, where appearance is infinitely more important than actuality.
Maybe this is what the whole world runs like and my view is the one that's askew. Having spent the best part of a decade working in the world of finance I think of myself as having the insiders eye, and that high finance is probably the most ridiculous, counter-intuitive and nonsensical part of this whole game. I know how bond markets work and the meaning of phrases like "gross total notional of the CDS market"...obviously that whole world is completely abstract but just maybe.... contrary to everything I thought I knew, that's not the really insane part of the system. The completely fucking kerazy stick-pencils-up-your-nose-and howl-at-cars-like-a-wolf world exists in the mundane humdrum of your common or garden business...The places where some not too bright but well meaning "ideas guy" throws some shit down that would be laughed out of town by the big boys, but finds that he's indulged here in this middle space where everything is needed to bag that new contract.
Hilarious...what a story! I would've been tempted to collect for the office lottery syndicate, secret santa or arrange office friday night drinks just to annoy the real workers.
ReplyDeleteThey were equally as bemused as the interlopers.
ReplyDelete